About comments that only communicate feelings

2026-10-02

I write at length on a number of topics. Sometimes I receive comments along the lines of “I was surprised you expressed X” or “I am disappointed you supported Y”. I read and respond to all comments because I am interested in understanding them. As a philosopher, I take every idea seriously.

Indeed, the mark of a philosopher is to not judge things quickly: to entertain every view without necessarily adopting it. This is emotionally challenging for beginners, because you have to stomach views that engender in you an initial sense of discomfort. But with enough practice you develop the requisite steel of conscience.

I thus take the time to think through all comments in order to evaluate their merits. I want to figure out what exactly is the salient point and what may be the underlying value in question.

Comments that are limited to an expression of feelings present a few challenges, that I elaborate on herein.

Thinking about the remedy

Imagine the scenario where you have sent me a message. It communicates your feelings about the state of affairs. For example, you tell me how sad you are about something I did or refrained from doing. What may I then supposed to do in response in order to remedy this situation? I cannot read your mind and I do not know you, either at all or in person. So how am I supposed to formulate a position that removes said sadness?

If I start thinking that some pseudonymous user online has certain feelings, then I can only imagine what that is like if I have a frame of reference. Maybe I know someone who is exactly like you, so I can check with them to calibrate my response. How will I even know what “exactly like you” entails when I do not know you? And even if I do, chances are high that I do not know such a person or they are not readily available.

Should I then expend an indeterminate amount of time and energy to try to figure out which statement will engender in you positive feelings? I can do so through trial and error. I will not ever consider my personal motivation in going to such lengths. Imagine that I am willing to do whatever it takes. I still have no clue on what exactly you expect from me.

Furthermore, I am in a state of doubt myself about the methods I am employing. If I am genuinely concerned about your emotional state and am actively working towards its betterment, then I have to be extra careful not to aggravate the situation. Suppose that instead of stating X I issue a corrective that it should be Y instead, followed by an apology. But Y still bothers you. Now the cycle repeats through successive attempts until I find what you want.

Do you even know what you want? If you do, why did you not tell me about it to save everyone from the trouble?

In the meantime, I may have made your emotions worse because I committed so many errors, the way you see them, in the process of eliciting positive feedback from your side. Are you indeed better off as a result of all this back and forth? Was it not emotionally draining for you?

I have not even mentioned other considerations here, such as my own feelings. So we continue with what already is a problematic situation.

Assessing the relevance of your feelings

Now imagine that I receive two comments. One is about how sad you are. Another is from a person I also do not know who informs me about how happy they are. It is the best day of their life!

What I wrote above applies to that fellow as well, with slightly different details. I will have to anticipate what makes them happy and all that could possibly upset them so that I may prepare my future statement accordingly.

Which brings us to the problem of prioritising feelings. With just those two comments we have the respective salient points as well as all the possible alternatives to them. Moreover, we are dealing with my present deeds and all possible future ones.

You are smart enough to understand at this stage that nobody can make a decision like this. And this is a super simple case! Plus, I have not factored in my emotions at all: I am willing to be your servant right now.

Add a more realistic dimension to the above to understand the magnitudes at play. My publication may be read by thousands of people. Each has their own emotional state. Even a single person may feel differently in the morning and then in the evening, before they had a meal and after the meal, et cetera. Not only will I need to be omniscient to read everybody’s mind, I will practically be creating contradictory feelings within one person and across groups of people no matter what I do.

It is impossible for me to avoid those contradictions. If I state X, then I cannot also be stating Y, assuming the two have some irreconcilable differences. For every X there can be many non-X. I will thus be pleasing one side at the expense of disappointing another side.

Even within a single publication, I can create contradictory feelings to the same person in their same emotional state. For example, this section makes them feel alright while the following section upsets them. Again, I cannot satisfy everybody.

Take the time to think things carefully

Notice here, as an aside, that my writings are not designed to produce knee-jerk reactions. If you are paying attention, I do not do clickbait and I do not say edgy things to sound cool. Others may do that, in which case you should talk to them.

When you come to me, I will treat you with care and respect while also expecting that you have the attention span and maturity to comprehend what I am expounding on. Yes, attention span of a certain high level means that you may be excluded from this form of content. Same for maturity.

I am treating you carefully because at no point do I attack individuals. I always comment on ideas and I always do so at length. This shows respect. It tells you that I have considered the idea carefully and have taken the time to think through its implications. I do not do “hot takes” and have no interest whatsoever in accumulating, likes, comments, upvotes, or whatever Internet points there are.

Worry not: there are plenty of other platforms that will serve you exactly what you need. It will be short-form, it will come with all the pampers you require. They are designed to make you feel comfortable and to indulge your sense of self-importance. Go there.

I write at length exactly because I demand from the reader to think things through themselves. I lead by example. Pay attention and learn from it. I am not interested in sycophants and I do not respect them either. This empowers me to say exactly what I want, not what you or anybody else wishes to hear, be it positive or negative.

Furthermore, I do not hide behind sources of authority. I speak only for myself. I do not represent institutions, movements, schools of thought. This means that you cannot come here accusing me of what someone else is saying. Take the time to read attentively. Then spend more time to think carefully. By that point, you will know that I am much more nuanced than your initial response made you think.

A matter of attitude

When you tell me how your emotional state is because of something I published, you are effectively admitting that you have no argument. If you did, you would have given me that instead of your feelings. Even the full extent of your feelings are unknown to you, as I already noted. Though I also explained why I am still interested to understand what your value is regardless of how you have chosen to communicate it.

Through your statement, you are also implying that you have not worked on your attitude vis-à-vis your beliefs. You take your views personally, you are attached to them, you identify with them. In being clingy, you conflate your selfhood with opinions which, as you have already conceded, are not grounded in comprehension but in vibes. So you are afraid that the collapse of the world that your feeling constitute will result in your own annihilation.

In other words, you are not prepared to grow intellectually. There is still inside of you the notion that you can make an idea an extension of your being and carve a comfortable space therein. You want to hold on it so dearly, hoping that it sticks around.

This is a feeling as well, which reveals your character in its current stage of development. It speaks of your insecurity. It communicates your fear and lack of courage. Implicit in it is your ignorance: an admission of the fact that you have not informed yourself and have thought things through. Which, in turn, make you irresponsible: you are stating a view without understanding its implications. As such, you are unreliable and untrustworthy.

If you want to have a discussion about feelings, then I will give you exactly what you ask for because to my eyes you are an open book. This way you can make the choice of becoming a better version of yourself, by overcoming this self-inhibition which is the want for ownership. You can also choose to ignore me, in which case you will not benefit from what I represent beyond all salient points I have made: stability.

The reason I can speak my mind is because I have no fear in my heart. This is an alien concept to you right now. You know that the moment you try to say something in public, or even in front of a small group of strangers, there is tightness in your stomach. You feel your heart pounding and your breath running short. You do not have the lived experience I do, which is one of equanimity. I am not disturbed in expressing myself. I am willing to talk to anyone about any of the topics I cover. This is why I publish my thoughts, after all, because I have nothing to hide, nothing that I am insecure about.

You can only know this because I am telling you. But you can still not relate to it. You might reach that level if you start working on decoupling your self from your beliefs. With enough practice, you will be where I am in terms of character development. So get to work and let me know whenever you have doubts because I will indeed be there for you.

I repeat: do let me know. Beware that I shall not offer you a warm hug. This is not my purpose. I will give you a cold shoulder. Cold like a shower on a winter morning. This shoulder is stable. It will never fail you. Hold onto me and I will take you to the edge of the world. Only then you will understand the vitality I embody.

What you actually want from me

Now I will tell you exactly what you are doing there with your childish tricks. It is emotional manipulation. You want to make me feel like I am doing something wrong. By instilling a sense of guilt in my conscience, you hope that I will either conform with your position or, more likely, that I refrain from speaking my mind.

From this alone I can tell what sort of person you are and which practices you are used to resort to.

Emotional manipulation is an effective strategy against many people. It probably is the best one, actually, if you are insecure, especially in interpersonal relations. It becomes abusive at all times, but your insecurities make you oblivious to the harm you may be causing.

You can indeed control someone’s mind by managing their feelings this way. All you need is for them to yield to your demands. But you are unlucky in this specific case because I am not one to be controlled.

If you are with me, then we are standing shoulder-to-shoulder like in a phalanx formation. I will not relent and will not betray you either. Though I will also not give up because you wish to take the easy way out. I am a Spartan by blood and you will learn that I am a Spartan by attitude as well.

I am the kind of person who says “no” to my own self. I do not negotiate my rules. If I am committed to something, I do it without cheating. My attention is undivided and my effort is wholehearted. Put differently, you have no idea what kind of mentality monster I am.

So here is the resolution. If you disagree with me, tell me what your argument is. If you feel strongly about it, start a blog and write everything you have to say. This is constructive. Now you begin to work on your own attitude and, in the process, you will understand how preposterous it is to make appeals based on feelings that no well-meaning person can ever accommodate.