The rainy days
This is an entry from my journal. It is about keeping a sense of perspective when things are not going our way.
Friday, the 9th of January. Noon will soon be upon us. It has been raining heavily since last night. The weather forecast shows that the present phenomena will persist until Tuesday. Late December until the second third of January has been the peak rainy season in the mountains of Cyprus for as long as I have been here. The past year was extra dry. We endured a severe drought and even suffered major wildfires that devastated large parts of the island. Precipitation is a blessing, no matter how much it is. The more we get, the better our chances of having a tolerable summertime.
The flood-control work I have done by the stream that is adjacent to my land has been successful. The land is stable and the risk of damage is virtually zero. Vegetation is growing at the spots that I set up. Some of it is my doing. Plants will consolidate the soil, effectively tying everything together. I have learnt to work with the natural rhythms, to allow things to grow at their time, and to not feel pressure to fast-forward anything into the future. As such, I do not panic in the face of uncertainty and do not get upset when something unexpected occurs during my day. I have stable plans, but am flexible with my methods.
One such case is with the new battery I got two days ago for my off-grid solar panel setup. I was expecting to receive it in mid-November, which would have been a boon during the darkest days of the year. The shipment got delayed a few times due to forces outside my control or that of my business partners. Back then I maintained the view that I am not disturbed by the inconvenience of not having electricity during the cloudy/rainy days. Yes, it was unfortunate that I could not work on the computer or even have the lights open, but it was not actually harmful to me. I survived and remain as determined as ever.
My perspective is that in the grand scheme of things a few weeks or months of inconvenience do not matter, so long as progress is made towards the goals I have set. Indeed, as I am typing this it is dark outside. My computer is working fine and the battery is going strong. I will be able to have video calls (for my coaching) in the evening without worrying that I will get disconnected due to an abrupt power cut (that was my old normal). What has transpired is irrelevant insofar as my present is concerned. To dwell on the past, to complain about things I could not affect and which are no longer in effect, would not only be a waste of my energy but also a source of frustration.
We suffer when there is a mismatch between our mental and physical states. I know to work with what I have and to understand the constitution of the case, such that what I want can follow organically. I do not let thoughts which are not pertinent excite me when my material reality does not justify the excitement. Similarly, I do not entertain negative ideas when there is nothing actually bad where I am. Instead of overthinking, I admit to not know. Instead of trying to cling on to some fleeting reality, I accept that I do not belong in that world. I am stable because, fundamentally, I do not put regrets or aspirations ahead of facts.
I let go when I must. What happened and is to come is like the ocean. There is no way for me to collect all of that water using the tiny bucket which is my conscience and corresponding capacity to manipulate my environment. I thus submit to the sovereignty of the greater magnitudes which inform, frame, condition, or otherwise determine my life. Some will say “nature”, others “God” or “Poseidon”, or a more abstract “logos” or “dao”. Names are symbols, steeped in myth and narrative, which ultimately describe in different words and distinct emphases that which is common in the multitude of events. To focus on the narrative, to be fanatical about works of human institution, and to kill in their name, is to miss the point entirely.
Letting go means that I carry no grudges. I live in my actuality. At heart, I take good care of myself. I know how to love others—in the sense of tending to their needs with the requisite respect but without babying or belittling them—because I have practised extensively with myself. Once you understand that it is essential to forgive yourself, to not be a cruel judge, and to act fairly vis-à -vis your selfhood, you will be able to extend that mode of benevolence outwardly. Moreover, you shall be free to turn your attention to the brightest dog in the sky. You will, in other words, not be preoccupied with distractions.
Not letting go, which is the failure to shift your attention away from the ephemera and their superficialities, ultimately means that you are operating without a sense of perspective. You cannot tell where you were and where you are heading towards. Like a disoriented wanderer in an uncharted territory, you operate from a position of insecurity. Yours is the understandable desire for control as a coping mechanism in the face of fear. Consequently, you disregard the individuality of others as you reduce everything to a function of your troubled ego and of its want for predictability.
Rain continues to beat down. The fact that I have reliable electricity is a nice extra, though by no means a precondition to appreciate the gift from the heavens. When the conditions are suitable for outdoor labour, I will be there to do what I must. And I will draw inspiration from the peaks all around me, to stand tall no matter where the wind blows.