Re: parasocial relationships, communication skills, fame, etc.
This is an excerpt from a private exchange. I am sharing it with the permission of my correspondent, without disclosing their identity.
I admire you Protesilaous, in many ways. I’m not the parasocial type, and I do not know you personally. What I will say though, is the presence and identity you have created on the internet is something I have found myself resonating with. I appreciate the channel, with the hut project and your talks. Emacs of course is something I’ve always been interested in too.
Parasocial relationships have a negative connotation, perhaps because they typically apply to how we relate to some celebrity like those pop stars. I can understand why that kind of relationship is not constructive, though in our case there is a different dynamic. Look, you can message me and I reply as soon as possible. This is not how it goes if you try to contact some famous person.
I still think face-to-face interactions are the best because they help you understand that you are dealing with a normal person instead of some “personality”. It thus is an exchange among equals.
The kind of publications one makes are also an indication of who they are. Not all Internet people are the same. In my case, I enjoy writing/talking about the things I care about. In the process, my self is expressed through my works because I think that only then do my publications have value. If I talk about self-love, for example, as I did on January 1st, I do it because I have lived those experiences and know how they feel. It is not simply some cool idea I thought I could do a video about.
- What advice would you give someone that struggles to communicate when they want to create a name for themselves?
Communication skills can be improved. You will get better at expressing your thoughts the more you keep doing it. Thus, the prerequisite is to not be afraid of failure (perceived or otherwise). It is okay to make mistakes. Keep trying and be honest about your weaknesses. People take kindly to those who try in earnest, even if they are not the best.
This is how I am treated, for example. People are kind to me although they understand I am not the foremost expert. I do not have formal training in any of my current activities, for example, such as philosophy or programming. I just try to the best of my abilities and make no pretences about being great. As such, I do not fool anybody into thinking that I am some faultless authority. I am just a regular fellow.
Keep that authenticity intact and the rest will follow.
About making a name for yourself, I do not know what you have in mind so I will remain generic. If it is something based on excellence, then your focus must be on the skill itself. If you are good at something, chances are you will be recognised accordingly.
People nowadays become famous by doing whatever the social media algorithm favours, so they end up acting as someone who is not their true self. They may make money and have lots of admirers, but in the process they have bound themselves to a life of role-playing, of having to keep up their persona the whole time. Is this the life you want for yourself? And if the answer is yes, then consider whether you would like to have a true friend by your side or someone who only values you because you are popular.
We do not appreciate the basics until it is too late. In the process, we get distracted by the glamour of success. Legend has it that the ancient sage Solon once had an exchange with Croesus, a king of a country close to Greece. The king fancied himself as the happiest man alive. He had money, he had fame, he had all a king could wish for! So he was happy in the conventional sense. Solon remarked that none can be considered happy before their story is concluded (μηδένα προ του τέλους μακάριζε literally means “none before the end consider happy”). The kingdom of Croesus eventually fell to war and he was executed.
We all experience suffering equally, just as we all appreciate an honest hug. For as long as we keep this shared nature in mind, we will not think of ourselves as anyhow special. Then, no matter where we are, we will remain mindful of the fact that our place is fundamentally the same as all other places in this space.
- What are your thoughts on doom emacs? 🤣
It is a high quality project that helps a lot of people. I have never used it myself because I made a conscious effort to learn Emacs from scratch and to piece together a configuration whose every bit I understood (or, at least, I was aware of the reasoning behind each choice).
The best lifestyle quality of Emacs is that it empowers you to be unapologetically opinionated about your preferences. No matter what others think is best for an Emacs setup, you do the thing that works for you and that is all that matters. If Doom works for you or anyone else, then my opinion is not required for you/them to be productive.
- What videos are you most proud of?
I like every video I make because I do it in a way that captures the moment. I find mistakes in retrospect, such as “sitting on the table” instead of “sitting at the table”, or I notice that I could have said something in a more clear way and used a better example. But I have no regrets. They all show an imperfect person, which is wonderful, and they all contribute to who I am right now.
- What programs are you most proud of making?
Same as with my videos: every piece of code I write is an expression of my current ability. As all those little moments form the person I am, I appreciate them all. For the big thing to come about, lots of smaller things have happened before: nothing occurs in a vacuum.
None of these questions need to be answered, but I will ask them! I hope we can have a conversation some day. Thank you, prot.
Well, it so happens that I always reply to those who contact me, so here we are!