The small wins lead to the larger goal

2024-12-22

There is no rainfall today, though it is cloudy and dark right now: a reminder of yesterday’s prevailing conditions. The storm was forecast to hit us early in the day. It poured for several hours, but was not too bad. The storm arrived in the evening and ran its course through the early morning hours. I stayed awake until about 3 AM to be available for any urgent intervention to my flood control project. I visited the stream several times, the last one being before I went to bed, judging that the situation was under control.

The intensified water flow had pushed aside a large pile of canes and rocks I had placed on one side. Though it did not displace some old doors and other junk I had lined up as reinforcements to the ground. At the crack of dawn, I revisited the spot to start work anew. My goal was to resume the effort of redirecting the stream such that it does not crash againt my land at a perpendicular angle: that causes soil erosion. It must instead flow by the side. I eventually moved around large parts of soil, gravel, and stone, as well as broken branches and anything else I could find. I fortified a section of the ground that I had already worked on before but which was still susceptible to erosion. It looks good for the time being.

This flood control project nears a full year of work. There have been several setbacks in the meantime, though the results are largely in my favour. I am encouraged to press on with the hard work because every time I do something I notice progress. My actions affect my environment. I understand that my fate is partially of my doing. If I sit idly by, hoping that somehow the world will work in my favour, I will only bear witness to a catastrophe that has the potential of threatening my presence in this land. If instead, I assume responsibility, there is a chance that I will subsist here long-term.

Responsibility is hard. We conventionally expect it from everybody who is a legal adult, though we know it is not merely a function of ageing. Everybody wants to be free to do as they see fit, though few understand that the freedom to act is inseparable from the bondage to the consequences it engenders. To be free is to accept what your actions do to you. Thus, you learn to exercise your freedom wisely.

This is why responsibility cannot, in fact, be bestowed upon a person through edict. It is instilled as state of mind, through education, everyday experiences, and the pressing necessity of the circumstances. We are responsible only when we rise up to the occasion, accepting what the task entails. There is no going back from it. You commit all the requisite deeds, are thoughtful in your plans, and decisive in your actions. If you cannot operate along those lines, then responsibility is but a burden that will crush you; a choice made freely that you regret shortly thereafter, implicitly lamenting that very freedom you had.

My responsibility, then, is to do the work no matter what, such that the hut project is sustainable. I am successful thus far and remain unflinching in my commitment to the original goal. What empowers me to keep going, to not feel lazy in the morning, and to not shy away from the stream’s ice cold waters, are all those small wins I have achieved and continue to experience. I understand there is a feedback loop between my capacity for purposeful action and the consequences thereof.

If every attempt of mine resulted in utter failure, if I would be losing ground each time despite my best efforts, I would start to question my ability to realise my ambitions. Because of the experience of success in the individual tasks that constitute this larger endeavour, I have forged the mentality of success: I can do this. I am more courageous, but not reckless; more resilient, albeit not unbreakable.

This is all due to the longer-term perspective that informs my judgement. The small wins are contributing to an eventuality I have envisaged and am meticulously working towards. I have long-now answered the “why” which underpins all of my actions. It is for this reason that I am patient and unwavering in the face of evolving states of affairs.

There is a mental component to what I do, though I cannot see how this determination of mine would have been embedded in my conscience, let alone persisted, if all experience hitherto was running counter to it. The small wins are essential. They are the routines which continuously affirm that there is potential for success; that my efforts are not in vain, relative to my stated objectives.

The positive feedback I receive when an action of mine has the desired effect on my environment, gives me the knowledge I need to believe in myself. It is what sustains the longer-term goal, rendering it as realistic, even if it is not easy. The small wins do not make me delusional though. They do not inflate my confidence about my capacity to perform excellently in every field of endeavour. No. They merely remind me that I can cope with this type of work. This is all I need, anyway, for such was the responsibility I assumed when I freely made this bold step forward. I will continue to do what I must. What happens next is for the gods of this world to decide.