From storm to storm, the smile remains
I wrote this yesterday afternoon, but can only publish it today.
It has been raining heavily for most of the day already. The forecast is for continuous precipitation until past midnight. The electricity is out because the solar panels could not generate enough output to charge the batteries. This is what happens here when the clouds are dense: not enough sunlight passes through. In ages past, I would have been frustrated at my powerlessness in the face of these challenges. I would be disappointed at my condition and would consider it unfair how all my hard work would go to waste. I would, in other words, interpret the phenomena as if I was at their epicentre, asking the wrong question of “why me?” But I am not the centre of the world, despite what my subjectivity might offer as a first impression. What I think or do does not matter in the grand scheme of things. Making it all about me is not helpful for how I go about living.
I was sitting at the bar earlier. This is a simple piece of furniture I made out of a wooden pallet. I cut the pallet in half and then pieced it together with some planks to form the support structure. Then I used an old wardrobe door for the top. There is visible tear to the materials I used. They are all second hand. The bar does not win any beauty contest. It is not the sort of item you show off when you brag about your riches. It gets the job done though and I like it for this very reason.
While at the bar, I was observing the rainfall outside. It is early December. We are the tail end of autumn, which roughly lasts until the coming solstice. I counted five plane trees by the river. There are more of them downstream. Their leaves have these bright orange and green-yellow colours, which complement the still vivid green of their neighbouring oaks. Some canes in their vicinity remain golden, while the soil is a gradient of dark green and brown with patches of ochre. All against a grey sky. It is a breathtakingly beautiful scene.
Instead of bemoaning my supposed weakness and apparent inability to “do something” about not having electricity, I take a step back to remind myself that I do not know everything. I may have a clear idea of what I want, but this is not what I necessarily need. Furthermore, what I wish may be the product of a misunderstanding, of me ignoring important aspects of reality, of being influenced by someone else without checking if those aspirations apply to my case, of not considering the bigger picture. Thus, clarity about one’s desires is no guarantee for the propriety of a course of action relative to the prevailing conditions.
When something happens, I do not want to be eristic towards it. There is no point in arguing with facts: they simply are. What I do instead is recognise how things stand, to reflect on them and my condition. There may be something new for me to learn or another opportunity to practice what I already know. If I find myself arguing with facts and calling them names, waving my fist towards the heavens, so to speak, I notice that I am being foolish, for I pretend to know more than what I actually do and/or assume that my power is greater than it really is.
As I continued to observe my surroundings, my attention shifted to the foreground. Right in front of my door is a young walnut tree I planted this summer. On either side of it grow two species of sage, salvia officinalis (common sage) and salvia fruticosa (Greek sage). I found those in the wilderness and transplanted some specimens here. Their scent is special and they look great too! Although I cannot wave my fist against the gods of this world, I know that my actions do have consequences. I thus assume responsibility for my conduct and try to be considerate in my actions. What I am doing here influences my immediate environment. The roof over my head is my doing. It would not have happened without hard work. These plants prosper under my aegis. I have a clear plan for everything I do here, accounting for the trajectory of the sun and the other particularities of my milieu.
Accepting how things stand is not the same as giving up. There is a difference between pragmatism and conformism or defeatism. I am aware that some states of affairs are the consequence of my initiative. Others are not. Even when I control some aspects of the whole process, by virtue of being its originator, I do not necessarily have full power over it. I am taking care of the plants, for example, but they may still fail to make it through a harsh winter or a severe drought. My contribution is not the sole factor in this case. There is an interplay of factors, combining in complex ways to produce the discernible states of affairs. The constitution of the case, then, does not have me at its centre. I am but a factor in the totality, continuously involved in dynamically adjusting phenomena.
When the outcome is according to my plans, I feel good about myself. It is feedback that confirms my ability to cause change. I have power. When the results are not what I want, I do not blame it all on me. Maybe I failed to consider something important, but even if I was impeccable in my calculations, there is always the reality of other factors influencing what happens. If, in the face of a downturn, I claim that “only I am to blame for this”, then I am factually incorrect in my egocentrism. This is not some mere analytical mistake though. It has practical effects, as I take on my shoulders a burden that is not mine, or entirely mine, anyway. Again, I commit the hubris of purporting to be stronger than I am and, in overdoing it, I put on myself the kind of pressure that I am not made to withstand.
If the burdens we assume are heavier than what we can handle, all we do is harm ourselves. Nobody is unbreakable, no matter how tough they think they are. What will happen if I pick a fight with god? What is the point of arguing with the heavens? I lose, no questions asked. There is nothing for me to prove to the world. It is an act of folly. The best I can hope for is to discover my limits. If I am not careful though with how I go about making this discovery, I will only meet my end. It thus comes to reason to have foresight, to think things through without overthinking them, and to take stock of the prevailing conditions as you opt for the best available course of action.
There is always a subjectivity that I cannot escape from. I will observe and feel the world through my own faculties. I cannot experience the storm as a tree. I might try to think in those terms, but I will fall short. This is, at best, an approximation, at worst, a projection unto an altogether different form of life. Recognising the inescapability from the subjective, I want to maintain a balanced view of events. In this bigger picture perspective, I am a factor of the case. I do what I can in pursuit of my objectives. Other forces will remain in effect. There will be ever-new eventualities and I will be in a continuous process of adapting to them.
I know not to argue with the gods. The storm shall pass. I am fine. Tomorrow there will be sunshine and my electricity will be back online. I shall then resume my computer work. I thank the world for giving me this opportunity to learn something; to not act like a petulant child and to be patient in the phase of uncertainty. What is to happen shall happen. I will do what I can and take responsibility for what belongs to me. The rest will continue to be despite my deeds. It is how the world works. The earlier we learn not to pretend to be omniscient and omnipotent, the easier our life will be.
As I saw flashes of light and heard the following sound of thunder, I smiled in awe. The dogs are sleeping peacefully. What a beautiful world!